If you haven’t read the previous posting about this nonsense then you should probably do so.  Basically a Chinese company contacted me with some nonsense about someone wanting to buy my name in China and wanted to know if I would allow this.  I said no, and they started trying to convince me to register the names with them… and then this happened…

So I recieved this response back from Carol:

Dear Patrick,

Each company has their own idea,All we can do is to respect your decision.Do you also give up the “Internet brand name” ?Internet brand name is the extension of trademark and brand in the internet world. It decides the stability and activity of keyword in the world of internet.it affect the rank of this keyword in google search engine.After the successful registration, Government will award an electronic certificate, which will prove the validity of using this keyword in the internet.

Best Regards

Carol

At this point I think one should notice that her typing is getting increasingly worse and worse.  Completely unacceptable for someone who audits stuff, and is employed by an organization that is sort of in partnership with the government.  Something stunk.  I decided to look up this internet keyword nonsense and determined it’s a Chinese internet only sort of thing.  It’s similar to AOL’s keyword stuff that they had, except you can buy these and often at a huge premium.  Now if some company wants to buy it and hold onto it at their expense then go ahead.  If you really want to find me you can search for me on the internet and I really don’t need a keyword to help with that.

With my new found knowledge, I decided to play dumb and sent this as a response:

Hello Carol,

I do not give up the “Internet Brand Name.” What is the Government you speak of? Is this the Chinese government or is this something else? It is impossible for me to give up the name “Patrick Tulskie” since it is the name given to me at birth. I can’t suddenly call myself by something else.
Patrick Tulskie
http://www.PatrickTulskie.com

For the sake of space time, I’ll tell you that a few short emails were exchanged where she basically said if I want to protect myself then I’d better purchase this internet keyword.  At this point her typing skills have blown my brain right out the top of my skull with horror.  Not a good way to convince me to seperate from my money.

After I asked her how to protect myself, she replied with this:

Dear Patrick,

Attached dispute application form, pls check.Hope you could fill in it prudently. In order to arrange the work better, you’d better fill in the form and return to us in time.I can always help you in the whole process of the registration.

Following is the procedures:
1. We send the dispute application form to you.
2. You fill in the dispute application form and return it via email (scaned) or fax.
3. We will dispute their application and protect Internet brand name for your company.
4. We’ll send the invoice of payment to you.
5. We will register this Internet brand name after getting the payment proof and award you the electronic certificate.

If you have any questions, contact me freely.

Best Regards

The form that was attached had another company’s name entered into it already and it had some random holding company’s header on it.  It was a radically different company than had even been mentioned in conversation.  Since she basically blew her cover as a reputable company that was trying to help me protect myself from a Chinese internet STD, I decided it was time to get even more silly serious.

Hello Carol,

As I’m sure you well know it’s the 3rd of July here in the US and it’s the day before independence day so most people are on vacation. I cannot send you the dispute form right now since my secretary is on vacation and will not be back until Monday. I would fill it out myself, but I have a disorder where I can only write backwards. If you can read backwards handwriting then I will do it for you, but I don’t think that’s appropriate for an official document.

I do have a question though – how much is it going to cost to buy the name that my parent’s freely gave to me when I was born? Many would regard me as a great person, and I am big in every way, but I do not think my name has significant monetary value to anyone else. It is after all my name. I mean how would you feel if your name was “Carol Burger” and some company comes along and tries to buy the name “Carol Burger” when that is your name that your parents gave to you when you were born? I’m pretty sure you’d do a barrel roll.
Patrick Tulskie
http://www.PatrickTulskie.com

And I never got a response, despite all of my questions.  As of today I see that all of the domains she mentioned in the first email have yet to be taken.  If someone wants to buy them, have at it.  I’m not sure what good the name Patrick Tulskie will be to you, but if you really want them then have at it.

There IS a chance none of the people at this phoney company have seen my blog posts about them and so I might try sending in the form, written in the appropriate fashion just to see what happens.  Comment or hit me on Twitter if you think I should do it.